( E*, Uncle Ronnie, and Michelle)We need people in our lives that will be honest with us & give us the “truth” in love.
Someone who has nothing to lose when the "truth" is spoken!
My sister, Michelle has become one of those people in my life. While we haven’t always been close (which was mostly my fault), I’d say that over the past 2 years we have both grown a great deal. She has gone through several experiences that have molded her into an incredible woman.
Given our “life story” and as the oldest sibling, I’ve always found it very hard to be Michelle’s “sister”. I’ve always been more authoritative, maternal, and “careful” around her.
I’ll never forget the time that she begged me to “just be her SISTER” and not her “MOM” – I was 24, she was 20. Honestly, if she had picked up a 2x4 and smacked me square in the nose I wouldn’t have been more shocked. I’d never thought of my relationship w/ her to be “motherly” instead, in my mind, I was very “SISTERLY” – so “sisterly” in fact, I prided myself on how G.O.O.D. A “SISTER” I WASSSS!
Her words have rung loudly in my head more than I care to admit. Yet, mostly what I remember the most, were the warm tears streaming down my face. Its like she called me out – she had nothing to lose - rather, on the contrary – she had MORE to GAIN by telling me the truth. After she said those words, I felt released from the maternal role, but at the same time, I was scared b/c that meant that my “purpose” had drastically changed regarding our relationship.
Lately, she and I had a heart to heart - that on a deep level we both REALLY needed. After talking to her for hours, I remember hanging up the phone and realizing that our relationship had just changed forever.
Redefining my relationship with Michelle has been VERY hard for me. I’ve been so torn with trying to be something different to and FOR her after 20+ years of being “motherly” that I’ve wrestled with my new “ROLE”… and mostly, b/c I’ve gone from “protecting” and “helping” to TRYING to be a “Cool”, “put together”, and “a good example”…
basically – ALL the things I’m NOT!
I. People, I’m not cool – I’m a dork. I’m VERY dorky to be exact! I do cheers from circa 1-9-9-3 in my kitchen if someone says the word “Aggressive” (BE. AGGRESSIVE, BE. aggressive, B.E. A.gg.R.E.ss. I. V. E.) – see?, I love the circus and I blog about it – news flash: I’m 30!, I giggle at the kids’ potty jokes – and I often times ask them to reapeat them!, my closet is organized by COLOR!... Seriously, the list is endless. I’m a dork – just trust me.
II. “PUT TOGETHER” – PAAAA. LEEEASE!!!!!!!!!! I may “seem” put together – but that’s only because I rolled down ALL the windows in the car, visualized myself as Tom Cruz and SANG “Free Fallin” VERY loudly in my car before pulling up to the door of some really “important” meeting where I’m supposed to “look” PUT TOGETHER! -- 10 minutes prior to this endeavor I was standing in front of my color coordinated closet crying b/c I didn’t have “ANYTHINGGGG to WEARRRRRR”… “Put together” I am NOT!.
III. “A good example” – Now, I do(!) want to be a good example... But I need to be honest here – there are “moments” when I lose it (see the paragraph about being “put together”) and on occasion, have been known to have road rage “episodes”, I’ve said a “few” unpleasant things “under my breathe”, and I’ve “shared” something about someone that I didn’t know to be “the TRUTH” (they call it “GOSSIP” in some towns?)…
Friends, This category is a SERIOUS work in progress for me!
Bascially, I’ve TRIED to be less than human when it comes to who I want my sister to
“THINK I AM” instead of “WHO I ACTUALLY AM!”
A month ago, I called my sister when I was broken, real,
and in need of someone to speak the “TRUTH” in LOVE!….
And you know what??… she answered the call!
She told me some things about myself that I reallyyyy needed to hear….
She. had. nothing. to. lose.!
And for that – I’m really grateful!
I LOVE YOU SHELL!
Who in your life holds you accountable to a lifestyle of integrity?
Truthfulness? And making the BEST choices?
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